I came across this in my travels today and I simply had to share. Any Torontonian will definitely get a kick out of this, in that "it's-funny-'cause-it's-true" kinda way:


Torontonian

noun.

1. A person who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

2. A gracious and tolerant sort of guy or gal who listens with Herculean patience and nothing but a sad sigh now and then as every ill-educated sheep-shagger, penniless cod-kisser, sexually confused lumberjack and soulless oil tycoon befouling the rest of the country badmouths him tirelessly because they don't have half the cool shit that he does.

3. A person who starts feeling suicidal every year around the time of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

4. Someone who pays fully half of their income in taxes so that a bunch of miserable ingrates living in shacks can spend half the year on the dole, scratching their Molson muscles and bitching about how much they hate Torontonians.

5. A person who can find everything she needs within a twenty-minute walk or bike-ride from her front door.

6. A resident of the 416 area code, but mercifully not of the 905.

7. Someone who is too polite to tell his best friend, who lives in Vancouver, that, 'No, frankly I really don't wish I lived in Vancouver. Not everyone on the whole fucking planet wants to live in Vancouver, for Christ's sake. Besides, your whole goddamned drug-infested city's going to slide into the ocean some day, be it global warming, act of heavenly retribution, or one tremendous motherfucking earthquake. So there.'

Albertan: Torontonians are a bunch of Jesus-hating faggots. We should separate from Canada to get away from them.

Quebecker: Torontonians are a bunch of money-hungry conservatives. We should separate from Canada to get away from them.

Newfoundlander: Torontonians are a bunch of self-centred arses. We should separate from Canada to get away from them

Torontonian: I wish all those fucking leeches would separate from Canada so that I wouldn't have to pay for all their goddamned cigarettes and health care any more.

Hilarious. I needed this after a day of essaying since 8am...